Sitcom of My Life

I spent the equivalent of a full days’ work in the hospital on Monday. Hanging out, shuffling myself to various tests. You know, the usual.

A few weeks ago, I went to see a neurologist about my nerve issues. Even if my initial numbness in my right leg was caused by the herniated disc I had, it doesn’t seem to make sense that the numbness has progressed so much. The disc is supposed to be resolved. What gives, nerves?

The neurologist ordered a couple of tests to check things out, and I had both on Monday. First up was Electromyography, an EMG, and a nerve conduction study, which use electrodes and electronic stimulation to test nerve function. Each test took about 25 minutes. Neither was particularly enjoyable.

My nemesis.

The technician for the nerve conduction study was very friendly, and explained everything that was happening so I wasn’t freaked out. He taped electrodes, tiny discs that detect electronic activity, to various places on my legs and feet. Each one was placed at a different point on whichever nerve/clump of nerves he was testing at the time.

Then, he used that two-pronged device you see in the picture to send three electronic signals through the nerve, starting very weak and getting stronger each time. Mostly it was just uncomfortable, but the last nerve on each leg has to be shocked until it burns out. That one was BAD.

Here’s what nerve conduction test results look like. (Yes, I asked if I could take a pic for my blog. 21st century medicine!)

Next was the EMG. Well, next I waited for the doctor for such a long time that I took a nap, updated Facebook, and even went down the hall to the restroom. But THEN, the doctor arrived to do the EMG. Just like the tech, he was very friendly, explained everything, warned me before every needlestick, and asked me if I was OK everytime I sharply inhaled like a respiratory wince (many, many times.)

It wasn’t as bad as I’d imagined. My original orthopedic doctor recommended several months ago that I get one of these tests, but Dr. Google scared me away. I imagined doctors sticking multiple needles into my legs, all at once. In reality, it was one needle at a time. The needles went directly into the muscles, though, so it wasn’t that much better.

After sticking the needle into a muscle, the doctor maneuvered it around a bit. Then he asked me to move my foot or leg in certain ways. The machine buzzed and hummed, recording the level of nerve activity. On the first one, he asked me to bend my foot at the ankle. I did, and WOW did it hurt! After that, I performed the movements very carefully. I only had to take a break once.

“Are you OK?” he asked.

“Yeah… There’s a chance I might throw up. But probably not,” I said. “I felt like this during my steroid injections, and I didn’t throw up. It’s adrenaline.”

“OK.” It was nice that he didn’t find my matter-of-fact tone strange. Most medical professionals don’t take you seriously if you seem like you know what you’re talking about.

He did about 5 needlesticks on each leg. The worst was in my right foot. The second worst was the outside, upper part of my left calf. He did three sticks on that one, which made me think he had found something. Apparently not, though, as he then told me that the EMG readings seemed normal.

Look, bloody needlestick marks!

Honestly, it’s disappointing to hear that at least the preliminary results of these tests seem normal. I let them stick needles in my muscles and shock my nerves, and they get nothing? I want an answer. The needle EMG was supposed to be able to detect a pinched nerve. That was the leading suspect.

I ended my day in the MRI. I was there for about two hours! Four MRIs: cervical spine and brain without contrast, then repeats with contrast. (Am I the only one who thinks the “cervical spine” should be the part nearest your cervix, not the farthest away?) I know it’s noisy in there, but I usually fall asleep in the MRI. This time I dozed on and off, instead of sleeping the whole time. I had some crazy dreams, which we will not discuss.

My IV for an MRI with contrast.

Here’s the only exciting thing about this MRI: It was the wider machine! I don’t have claustrophobia, but I do not enjoy tight spaces. If I’m going to spend almost two hours in a tube, I’m glad it doesn’t have to be super-tight.

Here’s the less exciting thing: While the cervical spine MRI was looking for a pinched nerve in the upper back, the brain MRI was looking for lesions that could be caused by Multiple Sclerosis, or MS. I probably don’t have that. The neurologist wants to rule it out as a precaution. My reflex responses in my arms were asymmetrical at my appointment. I don’t know if people with MS have asymmetrical reflex responses. But that happened.

So, we cross our fingers that one of these MRIs shows a pinched nerve. Then we cross our fingers that I won’t need surgery to correct it.